Sure-fire ways to boost the number of email responses in your inbox
By Caroline Presno, Ed.D., P.C.C.
Special to Yahoo! Personals
How frustrating is it when you reach out to a woman online and she doesn't contact you back?
Here are the most common reasons why you didn't hear from her, and ways to work around them so you can boost the number of email responses in your inbox.
1. She's getting a lot of attention online. A key thing to remember is that women's inboxes tend to get crowded with potential suitors. Make sure that you stand out from the competition by commenting about something specific she said in her profile, such as, "You mentioned you really like movies. What are some of your favorites?" Don't send her the same email you sent to 20 other women. It doesn't make her feel special.
2. You contacted her just because she looks hot. How many times have you skimmed a profile quickly and then contacted her right away because she is cute-looking in her photo? And then she doesn't respond. If you go back and reread her profile in depth, there will be things you missed which give you the clues as to why she didn't contact you. Maybe you missed that she has three dogs and your profile says you don't like pets.
3. You posted the wrong photo. Guys, you need to start paying more attention to the photos you are choosing for your profiles. Don't even think about posting a photo until you show it to a few women (a coworker, sister or friend you trust) and get their reactions. What you think is a fine-looking picture may look like a menacing mug shot to us. Also, a pet peeve for women is a photo where you've got your arm around some other woman who was obviously cut out of the picture. Last, but not least, choose pictures where you can see your face clearly.
4. She may think your email was too forward. Make sure you are not asking her for a lot of personal information the first time you contact her. You don't want to make her shy away from you even though you are just trying to get to know her. Avoid asking things like her place of work, specifics about where she lives or details about her children. Also, don't suggest meeting in person in the first email.
5. You focus on past breakups in your profile. When women read your profile, they want to learn about you, not your exes. If you are including too much detail about bad past relationships in your profile, you may end up sounding bitter and jaded, which is a turnoff. As you get to know a woman online over time, then you can get into both of your relationship histories. It's not something for your profile.
6. You aren't her type. Even though you think your profile and her profile could walk off into a romantic sunset together, she may feel that you are not her type. I know it's hard to do, but gentlemen, try not to take this personally. The process of online dating is sorting through a variety of profiles to find the ones that are best suited to you. If she doesn't think you will be a good fit, then you probably won't be and she's saving you a lot of time and effort.
7. She doesn't get what a catch you are! You want someone who understands all the things you have to offer and is excited to respond to you. Instead of focusing on all the women who aren't contacting you back, pay attention to the thousands of women with profiles online who are just waiting to hear from you!
Sunday, September 30, 2007
5 Ways to Get Into a Man's Head
To get into his heart, start by getting into his head
By Caroline Presno, Ed.D., P.C.C.
Special to Yahoo! Personals
How many times have you wondered, "What is this guy thinking!" If you want to get into a man's heart, you have to start by getting into his head. The problem is many men have a hard time being open about their thoughts and feelings.
Armed with the following five techniques, a man will feel more comfortable opening up to you, so you can develop better communication with him and, ultimately, enjoy a better relationship.
1. Let him know you care about what he is saying. A man won't open up to you unless he knows you care. One of the best ways to convey this to him is through your body language. To show your interest, unfold your arms, lean into him and allow your eyes to meet his in a natural way. Let him know that you get what he is saying with a nod of the head or a raise of your brow.
Also, try "mirroring," which means that you absorb his body movement and convey it back to him. So if he looks stressed telling a story, you look stressed as well. It's like saying, "I feel what you are feeling. I'm putting myself in your shoes."
2. Be nonjudgmental. No man is going to let you into his real thoughts if he senses he is going to be criticized or put down. Leave out comments like "How could you do something like that?" or "That's not something I would do."
Give him the freedom to express himself openly and honestly without judgment and you'll be surprised at all that comes out. You don't have to condone or agree with everything he says. You're simply creating an environment where he has the freedom to say it.
3. Don't use the word "why." When psychotherapists are in training, they are often taught to erase the word "why" from their vocabulary, because "why" questions frequently sound negative and critical.
When you ask a man, "Why did you do it that way?" it can come across as "Are you stupid, why on earth would you choose to do it that way?" Now he's on the defensive before you even finish the sentence. Practice using substitutes such as "Tell me more about it" instead of "Why did you do it?"
4. Never say, "We need to talk." Nothing makes a man want to talk less than hearing "We need to talk." It conveys the message that he's done something wrong, he's in trouble for it, and you are going to let him have it. He will shut down before the conversation starts.
The best way to bring up an important topic is to ease into it. Choose a time when you are both doing a small task together such as light cleaning or cooking, which takes the harsh focus away from "the talk" and will make him more comfortable. Remember not to approach him while he is involved in something important to him like Monday night football. (Heare are some other ideas about dealing with a football fan.)
5. Learn how to really listen. Chances are you always listen to him but you don't always hear him. How many times have you had something else on your mind as he is talking to you? Or maybe you are thinking about what you're going to say next instead of paying full attention.
It's important to stay in the "hear" and now with him, rather than letting your own thoughts or the outside world intrude. A man can sense when you really want to hear what he has to say -- true listening is the best way to get him talking true to you.
By Caroline Presno, Ed.D., P.C.C.
Special to Yahoo! Personals
How many times have you wondered, "What is this guy thinking!" If you want to get into a man's heart, you have to start by getting into his head. The problem is many men have a hard time being open about their thoughts and feelings.
Armed with the following five techniques, a man will feel more comfortable opening up to you, so you can develop better communication with him and, ultimately, enjoy a better relationship.
1. Let him know you care about what he is saying. A man won't open up to you unless he knows you care. One of the best ways to convey this to him is through your body language. To show your interest, unfold your arms, lean into him and allow your eyes to meet his in a natural way. Let him know that you get what he is saying with a nod of the head or a raise of your brow.
Also, try "mirroring," which means that you absorb his body movement and convey it back to him. So if he looks stressed telling a story, you look stressed as well. It's like saying, "I feel what you are feeling. I'm putting myself in your shoes."
2. Be nonjudgmental. No man is going to let you into his real thoughts if he senses he is going to be criticized or put down. Leave out comments like "How could you do something like that?" or "That's not something I would do."
Give him the freedom to express himself openly and honestly without judgment and you'll be surprised at all that comes out. You don't have to condone or agree with everything he says. You're simply creating an environment where he has the freedom to say it.
3. Don't use the word "why." When psychotherapists are in training, they are often taught to erase the word "why" from their vocabulary, because "why" questions frequently sound negative and critical.
When you ask a man, "Why did you do it that way?" it can come across as "Are you stupid, why on earth would you choose to do it that way?" Now he's on the defensive before you even finish the sentence. Practice using substitutes such as "Tell me more about it" instead of "Why did you do it?"
4. Never say, "We need to talk." Nothing makes a man want to talk less than hearing "We need to talk." It conveys the message that he's done something wrong, he's in trouble for it, and you are going to let him have it. He will shut down before the conversation starts.
The best way to bring up an important topic is to ease into it. Choose a time when you are both doing a small task together such as light cleaning or cooking, which takes the harsh focus away from "the talk" and will make him more comfortable. Remember not to approach him while he is involved in something important to him like Monday night football. (Heare are some other ideas about dealing with a football fan.)
5. Learn how to really listen. Chances are you always listen to him but you don't always hear him. How many times have you had something else on your mind as he is talking to you? Or maybe you are thinking about what you're going to say next instead of paying full attention.
It's important to stay in the "hear" and now with him, rather than letting your own thoughts or the outside world intrude. A man can sense when you really want to hear what he has to say -- true listening is the best way to get him talking true to you.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
10 Fatal Online Dating Errors
Mistakes that men make By David Wygant
Some men have absolutely NO sense of etiquette when they're trying to contact women online. During all my years of coaching, women have told me some amazing things men have written to them in emails.
Many men feel they can just say anything in an email when they are trying to get a woman to go out with them. If they said those same things to a woman in a bar or on the street, they might get arrested, or at least slapped. But when they're hiding behind the secrecy of their computer, too many men get abrasive and crude.
Here's my list of 10 things NEVER to do when you're online trying to get a woman to go out with you. Some of these are obvious; some you'll swear I'm making up! But all of them are things men actually do.Top 10 email turnoffs for women
Some men have absolutely NO sense of etiquette when they're trying to contact women online. During all my years of coaching, women have told me some amazing things men have written to them in emails.
Many men feel they can just say anything in an email when they are trying to get a woman to go out with them. If they said those same things to a woman in a bar or on the street, they might get arrested, or at least slapped. But when they're hiding behind the secrecy of their computer, too many men get abrasive and crude.
Here's my list of 10 things NEVER to do when you're online trying to get a woman to go out with you. Some of these are obvious; some you'll swear I'm making up! But all of them are things men actually do.Top 10 email turnoffs for women
- Don't ask her how much she weighs or what her measurements are. You might as well just tell her you only want to sleep with her and you have no interest in getting to know her, because that's what she's going to think if you ask her this.
- Don't email her seven times asking her why she hasn't responded to your first email. Women get far more email than men do, so you need to be patient. Instead of harassing her, relax and be confident that she's going to respond to you.
- Don't ask her how many other dates she's been on from Yahoo! Personals. How many other dates someone has been on is not important. What is important is finding out whether the two of you click when you hang out.
- Don't send her a nasty email if she hasn't responded to you after several emails. It's her prerogative whether or not she desires to be in contact with you. If she doesn't want to meet you, why get angry and nasty? There are plenty of other women out there who you can contact.
- Don't ask her if she wants to have sex with you on the second email exchange, and don't send her dirty pictures of you. Women are all about connecting with their minds. Just because you're looking for a quick fling, that doesn't mean she's going to respond.
- If she gives you her phone number, don't wait a week to call her. By extension, if you do wait a week to call her and she doesn't call you back, don't be shocked. Women have many options online. If she gives you her phone number, I suggest calling her that day. It keeps the momentum going.
- When asking for more pictures, do so without any references to "Can you please send me a picture so I can see your body?"
Ask her if she'd like to exchange more pictures, which means you send some and she sends some. Several women have complained to me that men ask them to send pictures of themselves in bikinis or other such things, so that men can see their body. Men, don't do this! - Don't get offended if she doesn't want to talk to you on the phone right away and/or wants to talk to you via email first to get to know you. You need to be flexible and open to her suggestions. Sometimes you may need to email back and forth for a week, and sometimes she'll give you her phone number right away. Either way, don't be rude.
- Do not email-stalk her. Many of my women clients have complained to me about men who will email them several times a day for three weeks, until they are forced to block emails from those men. Men, she got your email the very first time. She just may have chosen not to open it. By sending emails several times a day, not only are you turning her off, you're freaking her out! You've become an online stalker. That's a guarantee she'll never go out with you.
- Don't send cut-and-paste emails. When connecting with her for the very first time, don't cut and paste an email message in July that you've been sending out for six months with a tagline that says, "I love the holidays." By doing that, she knows you didn't read her profile - and that you're really, really lazy!
Want to find out what works, check my Daily Dating Blog. If you need any more online dating tips, email me. I have another batch in my blog waiting for you to devour. I always enjoy hearing your comments.
Top Five Careers for the Extrovert
By Clare Kaufman
Extroverts are the life of the party--social, assertive, and full of energy. The ultimate team players, they come alive in the company of others. In short, extroverts have the social intelligence and drive to make things happen. Here's a look at five hot careers that call for the extrovert's charisma.
1. Financial Advisor - Median Salary: $66,800
Financial advisors develop an intimate understanding of their clients' life goals and plan their financial management strategies accordingly. Communication is as important as financial savvy, as an advisor adapts investment strategies to fit each client's unique profile. The extrovert's risk-taking nature may play well with a younger investor looking to ramp up quickly with high-stakes investments. But clients nearing retirement may prefer to protect their nest egg with a more conservative financial plan. A good advisor tailors the strategy to the client.
Education Requirements
Financial advisors typically enter the field with a bachelor's degree in a business with an emphasis in finance. Online financial planning courses offer applied training in investments, tax policy, and estate planning. These classroom hours may also count toward a Certified Financial Planners (CFP) credential, which is available with at least three years' work experience.
2. Human Resources Specialist - Median Salary: $44,430 to $79,918
Human resources specialists are in the business of keeping employees happy and productive. Their social intelligence helps them place employees in the right job, develop morale-boosting initiatives and programs, and create a pleasant work environment. HR specialists may also be called upon to mediate conflicts or negotiate labor contracts. Communication, cultural sensitivity, and diplomacy are crucial job skills. Aside from the interpersonal dimension of the job, human resources specialists collect and analyze HR data and present recommendations to management.
Education Requirements
A bachelor's degree in human resources prepares extroverts to focus their social sensibility in a business context. HR coursework covers compensation, recruitment, training, performance appraisal, as well as general topics such as business management and organizational psychology.
3. Purchasing Agent - Median Salary: $64,195 to $80,046
Purchasing agents are professional shoppers. They acquire materials for manufacturers or build inventory for retail stores. Extroverts excel at this social career that requires them to maintain long-term relationships with suppliers and network with peers in order to keep a finger on the pulse of the market. Purchasing agents may be found chatting up potential suppliers at trade shows and negotiating favorable pricing. In a volatile industry such as fashion, purchasing agents also keep time with industry A-listers in order to anticipate coming trends.
Education Requirements
A bachelor's degree in marketing offers the right business perspective for a purchasing agent career. Coursework should cover quantitative market research, financial analysis and budgets, merchandising strategy, and negotiation.
4. Mediator - Median Salary: $54,760
Extroverts are great diplomats, capable of grasping conflicting vantage points and bridging the gap between them. This social intelligence finds a natural outlet in the legal mediator role. With rising litigation costs, more and more people are trading their day in court in favor of an amicable resolution behind the scenes. Mediators are neutral third parties who resolve conflict by clarifying the underlying problem and developing a compromise sensitive to both parties. Consistent with their empathetic natures, mediators are more likely to focus on their clients' motivations rather than an abstract ideal of justice.
Education Requirements
A bachelor's degree in social sciences or business offers a solid foundation for a mediator role. Most mediators go on to complete a J.D. as well, honing their diplomacy and negotiation skills in three years of law school.
5. Physical Therapist / Assistant - Median Salary: $61,334 to $70,463 / $37,890
Physical therapists help patients afflicted by injury and illness regain their functioning or adapt to their new condition. They develop exercises to regenerate strength and mobility, teach patients to use adaptive devices, and track progress. Therapist assistants help physical therapists, and they also perform treatments.
Extroverted physical therapists and assistants have a strong advantage because of their communication and interpersonal skills. As Julie, a physical therapist in Chicago, points out: "Being an extrovert, my interactions with patients come freely and naturally." This interaction ensures the compassion and empathy so crucial to the patient-therapist relationship. It's this trust that helps patients discover the inner resources for overcoming physical adversity.
Education Requirements
Physical therapists qualify for licensure by earning a master degree from an accredited physical therapy program, though a doctorate will command a higher salary. Besides basic science courses, they take specialized courses in biomechanics, neuroanatomy, and therapeutic procedures. Therapist assistants, poised for a 44% growth in their profession, can get into the profession with a two-year associate's degree or completion of an equivalent medical assistant training program.
Extroverts possess a perfect profile for business, healthcare, and advisory roles. They are capable of reaching out to others and building strong relationships. They lead and take risks, but without losing touch with the human motivations underlying any venture. Extroverts understand that the bottom line in any occupation is not the bottom line--it's the people. With an innate ability to navigate the complicated terrain of human nature and an online degree in hand, extroverts have what it takes to make it in nearly any walk of life.
Extroverts are the life of the party--social, assertive, and full of energy. The ultimate team players, they come alive in the company of others. In short, extroverts have the social intelligence and drive to make things happen. Here's a look at five hot careers that call for the extrovert's charisma.
1. Financial Advisor - Median Salary: $66,800
Financial advisors develop an intimate understanding of their clients' life goals and plan their financial management strategies accordingly. Communication is as important as financial savvy, as an advisor adapts investment strategies to fit each client's unique profile. The extrovert's risk-taking nature may play well with a younger investor looking to ramp up quickly with high-stakes investments. But clients nearing retirement may prefer to protect their nest egg with a more conservative financial plan. A good advisor tailors the strategy to the client.
Education Requirements
Financial advisors typically enter the field with a bachelor's degree in a business with an emphasis in finance. Online financial planning courses offer applied training in investments, tax policy, and estate planning. These classroom hours may also count toward a Certified Financial Planners (CFP) credential, which is available with at least three years' work experience.
2. Human Resources Specialist - Median Salary: $44,430 to $79,918
Human resources specialists are in the business of keeping employees happy and productive. Their social intelligence helps them place employees in the right job, develop morale-boosting initiatives and programs, and create a pleasant work environment. HR specialists may also be called upon to mediate conflicts or negotiate labor contracts. Communication, cultural sensitivity, and diplomacy are crucial job skills. Aside from the interpersonal dimension of the job, human resources specialists collect and analyze HR data and present recommendations to management.
Education Requirements
A bachelor's degree in human resources prepares extroverts to focus their social sensibility in a business context. HR coursework covers compensation, recruitment, training, performance appraisal, as well as general topics such as business management and organizational psychology.
3. Purchasing Agent - Median Salary: $64,195 to $80,046
Purchasing agents are professional shoppers. They acquire materials for manufacturers or build inventory for retail stores. Extroverts excel at this social career that requires them to maintain long-term relationships with suppliers and network with peers in order to keep a finger on the pulse of the market. Purchasing agents may be found chatting up potential suppliers at trade shows and negotiating favorable pricing. In a volatile industry such as fashion, purchasing agents also keep time with industry A-listers in order to anticipate coming trends.
Education Requirements
A bachelor's degree in marketing offers the right business perspective for a purchasing agent career. Coursework should cover quantitative market research, financial analysis and budgets, merchandising strategy, and negotiation.
4. Mediator - Median Salary: $54,760
Extroverts are great diplomats, capable of grasping conflicting vantage points and bridging the gap between them. This social intelligence finds a natural outlet in the legal mediator role. With rising litigation costs, more and more people are trading their day in court in favor of an amicable resolution behind the scenes. Mediators are neutral third parties who resolve conflict by clarifying the underlying problem and developing a compromise sensitive to both parties. Consistent with their empathetic natures, mediators are more likely to focus on their clients' motivations rather than an abstract ideal of justice.
Education Requirements
A bachelor's degree in social sciences or business offers a solid foundation for a mediator role. Most mediators go on to complete a J.D. as well, honing their diplomacy and negotiation skills in three years of law school.
5. Physical Therapist / Assistant - Median Salary: $61,334 to $70,463 / $37,890
Physical therapists help patients afflicted by injury and illness regain their functioning or adapt to their new condition. They develop exercises to regenerate strength and mobility, teach patients to use adaptive devices, and track progress. Therapist assistants help physical therapists, and they also perform treatments.
Extroverted physical therapists and assistants have a strong advantage because of their communication and interpersonal skills. As Julie, a physical therapist in Chicago, points out: "Being an extrovert, my interactions with patients come freely and naturally." This interaction ensures the compassion and empathy so crucial to the patient-therapist relationship. It's this trust that helps patients discover the inner resources for overcoming physical adversity.
Education Requirements
Physical therapists qualify for licensure by earning a master degree from an accredited physical therapy program, though a doctorate will command a higher salary. Besides basic science courses, they take specialized courses in biomechanics, neuroanatomy, and therapeutic procedures. Therapist assistants, poised for a 44% growth in their profession, can get into the profession with a two-year associate's degree or completion of an equivalent medical assistant training program.
Extroverts possess a perfect profile for business, healthcare, and advisory roles. They are capable of reaching out to others and building strong relationships. They lead and take risks, but without losing touch with the human motivations underlying any venture. Extroverts understand that the bottom line in any occupation is not the bottom line--it's the people. With an innate ability to navigate the complicated terrain of human nature and an online degree in hand, extroverts have what it takes to make it in nearly any walk of life.
Sunday, September 2, 2007
4 (Harmless) Ways to Make a Man Jealous
by David Zinczenko
The jealousy card. You know it well, and chances are you've played it on more than one occasion.
It does wonders, doesn't it? Make a guy jealous, and he's back in the palm of your hands, treating you better, paying more attention to your ups and downs, and cleaning the bathrooms twice a week (with rubber gloves). Genius.
Or is it? As with politics and winter skies, there are various shades of gray here, too. While you may have something to gain by pushing his buttons, you also have an awful lot to lose if you hit the wrong one.
At the risk of being labeled a traitor to my gender - but as a favor to my female friends - here are some surefire ways to safely and compassionately poke your partner with the jealousy stick without risking more serious issues.
Stay Up Later Than He Does
And make sure you're logged in. When he says he's going to bed, tell him you'll be in later, that you just have a few things to look up on the computer. Not that he doesn't trust you and not that you're going to check up on an ex or two, but he doesn't know that.
And his wandering mind may just think you're up to something. And the thought that you might be means that you'll soon be getting more attention than David Beckham in the Los Angeles airport.
Have Drinks with Friends
He knows you talk. He knows you talk more when you're with friends, especially when you add drinks to the mix. And he cares deeply about how he's portrayed in your version of the media - that is, your social network - and how he stacks up against other men. Go out and compare notes with the girls, and selectively report back on the findings of the kangaroo court. He may be less likely to give you damning evidence to report.
Click on ESPN.com
Read up on the latest sports happenings, and bring them up later to your man. When he asks how the heck you knew Padraig Harrington won the British Open, tell him that a couple guys from work were talking about it.
The thought of you playing Erin Andrews (sports reporter for ESPN since 2004 ... C'mon, stay with me here!) around the coffee machine will make him steam without totally burning. (Note: Anything you do with male colleagues that's potentially frisky will infuriate him - and can potentially backfire on you.)
Whoop Him
Challenge him in something physical - whether it's in an upcoming 5K or in your regular yoga class. It's hard for even the least competitive men not to feel antsy when his woman is stronger, faster, or more flexible than he is.
He'll say it doesn't bother him when you cross the finish line first or scratch your ears with your toes. Plus, research shows that even a little healthy competition can ignite your sex life. Don't push the Venus Williams act too hard, though, or he'll wonder if his losing streak will send you in search of a man who's faster, stronger, and better.
Have your own ideas about how to get a partner's attention and get him or her to care more? Share them with others here.
The jealousy card. You know it well, and chances are you've played it on more than one occasion.
It does wonders, doesn't it? Make a guy jealous, and he's back in the palm of your hands, treating you better, paying more attention to your ups and downs, and cleaning the bathrooms twice a week (with rubber gloves). Genius.
Or is it? As with politics and winter skies, there are various shades of gray here, too. While you may have something to gain by pushing his buttons, you also have an awful lot to lose if you hit the wrong one.
At the risk of being labeled a traitor to my gender - but as a favor to my female friends - here are some surefire ways to safely and compassionately poke your partner with the jealousy stick without risking more serious issues.
Stay Up Later Than He Does
And make sure you're logged in. When he says he's going to bed, tell him you'll be in later, that you just have a few things to look up on the computer. Not that he doesn't trust you and not that you're going to check up on an ex or two, but he doesn't know that.
And his wandering mind may just think you're up to something. And the thought that you might be means that you'll soon be getting more attention than David Beckham in the Los Angeles airport.
Have Drinks with Friends
He knows you talk. He knows you talk more when you're with friends, especially when you add drinks to the mix. And he cares deeply about how he's portrayed in your version of the media - that is, your social network - and how he stacks up against other men. Go out and compare notes with the girls, and selectively report back on the findings of the kangaroo court. He may be less likely to give you damning evidence to report.
Click on ESPN.com
Read up on the latest sports happenings, and bring them up later to your man. When he asks how the heck you knew Padraig Harrington won the British Open, tell him that a couple guys from work were talking about it.
The thought of you playing Erin Andrews (sports reporter for ESPN since 2004 ... C'mon, stay with me here!) around the coffee machine will make him steam without totally burning. (Note: Anything you do with male colleagues that's potentially frisky will infuriate him - and can potentially backfire on you.)
Whoop Him
Challenge him in something physical - whether it's in an upcoming 5K or in your regular yoga class. It's hard for even the least competitive men not to feel antsy when his woman is stronger, faster, or more flexible than he is.
He'll say it doesn't bother him when you cross the finish line first or scratch your ears with your toes. Plus, research shows that even a little healthy competition can ignite your sex life. Don't push the Venus Williams act too hard, though, or he'll wonder if his losing streak will send you in search of a man who's faster, stronger, and better.
Have your own ideas about how to get a partner's attention and get him or her to care more? Share them with others here.
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